oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Randomize
