tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
