Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
What did we do last night that was yellow?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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