I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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