I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
