the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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