I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
