none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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