I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize