I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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