Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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