i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
