I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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