I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
