She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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