An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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