Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
