he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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