just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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