I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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