i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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