why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My dad just said "fuck circus"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
