One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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