im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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