Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
