I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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