Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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