So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
