i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
