you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
When are your genitals available?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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