I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize