so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
