i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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