went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize