I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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