And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
