Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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