I should be sponsored by Trojan
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I love having hate sex.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
