What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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