I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
As shirtless as possible
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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