oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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