Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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