I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
