i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
