Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
