Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
