If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
