He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
