does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
