I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
