trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
