so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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