I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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