My Higher Power is John Stamos
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
