I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
