i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we're making bets on your personal life
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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