Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
