Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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