So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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