I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize