I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm too high and old for this...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
