bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
