Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
