You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
