I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
