This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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