that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
