do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
