Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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