do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
