ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
