So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
