So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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