3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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